To preface this post, I want to note that I bring up some personal things. I say this because I don’t want readers to check out from my message here with the assumption that I’m giving a sob story for the sole purpose of soliciting sympathy or inflicting guilt onto anybody. If my stories touch you in any particular way and you feel the need to express your empathy, I’d be happy to hear your insight, but I don’t want anyone to think that I’m saying these things just for attention or to shame anyone who hasn’t shared my struggles. In this political day and age, people’s rampage against political correctness also includes a rampage against anything that evokes empathy or any kind of caring for other people because outright self-centeredness and not wanting to care about others seems to be “in” this season. However, I address the things that I do because they are part of my narrative and have a lot to do with what I do and what I think today, and this is also a blog for fuck sake.
Now, although I’ve had a lot of fun with actually doing bondage in practice, the handful of times that I did, I think I’m better at it in theory. Since I have Asperger’s, general socializing and connecting with people is always a challenge. I feel as though I establish better connections online than in person, especially since I’ve lived in areas with pretty dry bondage scenes. I tend to fantasize an awful lot and my fantasies are usually better than what I could do with an actual person. So if I didn’t write about bondage and just used the bondage on Tumblr to get off and nothing else, I feel like it would disappear from me for being empty. I think this also has to do with my obsession with looking into the ‘why?’ of things.
I have a big obsession with pop culture, literature, and media and part of that obsession involves digging into the deeper meanings of things and looking into why certain things are appealing. So, with movies, TV shows, and stories, I have the habit of analyzing what certain things are symbolic of, what kinds of cultural implications and statements are being made, and what is or isn’t effective about the message. I like to do the same with bondage, not only because I’m a huge nerd, but partially because I think knowing the underlying seeds that tick my boxes in bondage porn make for more arousing erotic fiction, and also because I feel like it connects people on certain levels.
Since I don’t provide original content of myself or hot models tied up and gagged, aside from the guys in these pictures, my stories and thoughts are all I have to offer. Not only that, but I think my content might help those who are curious about bondage and fetishism realize that they aren’t freaks and find some kind of voice for their deep and dark kinky thoughts that the world has told them to silence. I’ve always kind of felt like an alien in my surroundings from being queer with a fetish; having a cognitive disability that affects my socializing; being biracial, but seeming more white in the border city I come from, making people assume that I’m foreign to my hometown; and starting new lives in different areas on my own where I’m an actual outsider. Bondage has been one of the few things in the world where I’ve felt at home, even though most of my connections with people have drifted away, so it’s important to me that people read my stuff and feel like someone is finally articulating what they’ve always thought about and that they aren’t alone. I remember discovering Bound Guys, Captured Guys, Bondage Jeopardy, Guys in Trouble, and Tie Guy UK as a teenager and feeling, well… aroused, but also comforted by the fact that there’s a whole community of people who share my kinds of fantasies and desires, which meant that I wasn’t on my own with my perversion. That’s a feeling I hope that readers get when they come across my content.
I feel like another audience that I write for is the population that can’t seem to wrap their heads around fetishism or bondage and respond to us with hostility. I realize that not many of those people will come across my blog on their own, unless they’re curious. And if they happen to stumble upon my content, I doubt that outsiders would listen to and understand what I’m trying to say, but I have at least a tinge of hope that this kind of stuff would get through to and enlighten somebody. To this day, I have had two guys I’ve felt strongly about hold my fetish against me as part of their reason for leaving me, making me hesitant about disclosing my fetish to my current boyfriend. I now realize that those failed relationships sucked for reasons that far exceeded my fetish, but what angers me is the fact that a part of me that I can’t control and doesn’t hurt anyone can be used as leverage to explain why I’m not a good suitor. Beyond my personal issues, too many people are willfully ignorant and are eager to opt out from talking about or trying to wrap their heads around things that they don’t understand, which is something that has jaded me from opening up about my fetish to people outside of the bondage community. But I think this jadedness has fueled my motivation to keep writing because I think that if I make the reasoning behind our desires clear and inject some humanity into our community, maybe more outsiders from this community will start to understand us. On some level, I feel like I’m articulating the things that I’ve wanted to say about my fetish to the guys who have left me, but didn’t know how. Maybe what I say here could be used when I attempt to make my current or future boyfriends understand my sexuality. Hopefully, the things I say on here give my readers the words to explain their desires to partners who are unsure of this fetish to avoid experiencing what I have.
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