The "nightmare" of cucking seems to be rooted in the fear of being replaced, essentially robbed, and humiliated because it involves helplessly watching your significant other being sexual with another person, whether or not they're doing it willingly. The fantasy appeal seems to come from, probably the bondage and humiliation, but also getting to voyeuristically watch a sexual or romantic partner have sex with another person when you're unable to interfere.
A friend told me that he heard of cuckolding in the right wing, Reddit context before the sexual one. This relates to the replacement theory that's rooted in the fear that straight, white men are being replaced by non-whites, gays, and women. The Trump supporters who marched in Charlottesville chanted "We will not be replaced" because they believed that the straight white man was being replaced, which explains why "liberal cuck" became a term they used. The assumption is that liberal white men are just rolling over and letting Others take their place of cultural dominance and privilege.
Something that made me revisit this post I did on my old profile was ContraPoints' analysis of Twilight and her discussion of the cuck tent. In one of the stories, Edward, Bella, and Jacob are hiding out in a tent during a war. Bella is freezing to death and since her chosen love interest, Edward, can't warm her because he's essentially a corpse that can't produce heat, Jacob, who's a werewolf that projects heat, has to cuddle with her. Not only does Edward have to sit and watch as his woman is wrapped up by another man, he also has to hear Jacob's sexual thoughts about Bella since he can read minds and not know what Bella is thinking because Bella is not like other girls and can't have her mind read. So, Edward has no choice but to let it happen. He knows that Jacob is a little turned on about getting to do this. And other than probably wanting to stay alive, Bella's feelings about the whole thing are unknown. Considering how Twilight is one elaborate sexual fantasy, which is how 50 Shades of Grey came out of it, this scene is a cuck fantasy.
Natalie/ContraPoints also addresses how the cuck tent is racist because the skewed power dynamics of cuckold situations often include a white man being the victim, the cuck, while the perpetrator is usually a man of color. Similarly, a scene in the old western show, Hondo, involves an indigenous man overpowering a white man and having his wife serve him. This seems to express a fear of reverse colonization happening. Historically, mostly white, pillagers would kidnap/rape women in the villages they'd invade, and kill the men. So, when old westerns would have scenarios where white protagonists would get home invaded by some person of color, tied up, and have to witness their wives waiting on them and possibly being sexually pursued, it seems symbolic of a white guilt and fear that nonwhite people will rise up and exact some barbaric revenge on them.
Even though this is a cultural anxiety, it definitely works as a sexual fantasy. Again, there's voyuerism, humiliation, a loss of control, etc that makes cuckolding sexually appealing. However, as Natalie points out in her assessment of 50 Shades, fantasies are also irrational and don't reflect real behaviors or moral character. This means that if you fantasize about being taken advantage of sexually, it in no way reflects a desire to be sexually assaulted in real life or to commit sexual assault. Instead, it could only possibly reflect a desire to roleplay a scenario where you're sexually taken advantage of. Therefore, even if a man would hate to actually see his wife being sexual with another man while he's incapable of intervening or even escaping, the fantasy of that situation allows him to be there and watch because he can't do anything else.
Since the patriarch in cuck scenarios is physically incompasitated, he's able to be the helpless victim, as well as enjoy what he's seeing. Even if he doesn't like what's happening, he isn't expected to stop the sexual pursuit of his wife. He's also unable to leave or look away. So, under those extreme circumstances, like the extreme and fantastical circumstances in Twilight, the cuck has no choice but to accept and maybe enjoy his situation. The cuck's spectating is key to the fantasy because he needs to be forced to see what's happening to his woman, which adds to the humiliation. Since he's presumably attracted to the woman being pursued, he's essentially watching porn play out in front of him while in a passive, submissive position.
Then, from the dom perspective, there's the idea of men gaining confidence from having a man that they overpowered present for their mating ritual, like in Sex and the Other Man. The appeal here seems to come from showing the woman how strong and capable the man who's pursuing her is compared to the subdued man. Surely, in fantasy logic, a woman can't be attracted to or desire a man who's helpless and humiliated and even if she doesn't want sex or romance with the dom, she "ought to" prefer him over the cuck. The dominant man is clearly more desirable than the submissive one. Plus, the dom gets to have a potentially jealous audience for his sexual conquest, one that doesn't want to witness his wife/girlfriend/sex partner be pursued by another man, but is forced to watch. However, in this movie, the woman is not sexually involved with the cuck, so the dom here simply gains confidence from the cuck's submissive position. He's in complete control over what the cuck sees and does, and what the cuck thinks doesn't matter because he's at a subservient position.
I feel like, of course, anybody can be into cuckold fantasies, either in porn or roleplay. However, cuckolding is obviously rooted in subverting monogamy, heteronormativity, and patriarchy because there's a bit of misogyny in the whole taboo of women having sexual agency and cheating on their male partners, and male submissiveness is often demonized. Even though it's very possible, I don't imagine many straight women wanting to be cucked by their husbands or boyfriends as much as straight men might love/hate the idea of being cucked by their wives and girlfriends. Part of this could just be the novelty of men being submissive and women being dominant. The idea of a female cuck merely reinforces traditional power dynamics, while the inverse subverts it and is more fun. Not to mention, the voyeuristic element of watching a significant other being sexualized is probably more appealing to men because of the competitive possessiveness of men "owning their women," as well as the pride in knowing that other men desire "their girl."
Typical cultural expectations of male labidos probably plays into this as well: even when in duress, it's assumed that men are "naturally" inclined to recognize the sex appeal of the situation when they present themselves. I suppose that this isn’t too far off from gay kinksters wondering if they'd get turned on by a real kidnapping or hostage situation.
Whenever I talk about gay cuckold situations, people say that it'll become a threesome. It's just different when everyone in a sexual fantasy is the same sex. Gay romantic partners don't tend to have patriarchal power dynamics with one another and are even assumed to be more sexually adventurous and kinky than straight people. Gay men in particular even seem to have a more comfortable relationship with submission than straight men, so the humiliation or fear of cuckolding gay men doesn't seem as strong.
Personally, as a non-monogamist, I can't picture ever truly being cucked because my boyfriend and I have played with a third, as well as a fourth or fifth. At worst, I can imagine FOMO being the case if anyone, a boyfriend or a friend, is tied up and ignored while others get attention. However, cucking seems to be a response to sexual repression, meaning that monogamists may be deprived of sexual satisfaction and attention from different or multiple partners, which influences jealousy when a partner does sexual things with other people, and frustration when they aren't able to stop it. Therefore, a cuck most likely doesn't want to be included in the sexual play between his partner and the dom, he probably just wants it to stop or to be left with his partner. This differs from FOMO because it's just the desire to be included. There could be jealousy involved, but it's not possessive jealousy, just the feeling of exclusion and probably frustration from not being able to jump in with the others.
But of course, again, cuckold fantasies can always be roleplayed if people are into that. Among kinky friends, one person can be tied up and teased while two other people make out, or maybe a second person is tied up and given attention while the other is called a cuck and doesn't get any gratification.
Comments